Teaser Tuesday!

This is a paragraph from my work-in-progress, FATED. It is a YA historical fantasy with lots of other little elements thrown in. That's all I'm saying for now.

This scene takes place on the platform of a train station. My MC and her family have been captured by a group of ruthless soldiers, and are awaiting the train that will take them to a prison camp. Comments welcome!
Please excuse the formatting. I'm still having issues with blogger.


Then their crowd parted and I saw him—the maggoty bastard who’d murdered my father. A burning rage swelled from the pit of my stomach. I gritted my teeth, biting back the angry words that threatened to spill from my mouth. I wanted to kill him, to rip him to pieces with my bare hands. His beady, black eyes, too small for his plump red face, scanned our party with disgust. I scowled at him as he sauntered toward the edge of the platform. The train was coming closer, growing louder.



“Hey!” I wanted him to look at me. To see my father in my eyes.



“What are you doing,” Simon said, pulling me back. “Be quiet! Are you mad?”


5 comments:

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

I like it. We get a feel for how much she hates him with only a few sentences. Well done. :)
Happy Tuesday.

L.J. Boldyrev said...

Thanks, Karen. Something awesome happens just after that, but I didn't want to give too much away.

Happy Tuesday!

Jessica Kennedy said...

You know how I feel! It's an important scene for Inda to express her internal rage and I like it. :)

Valerie said...

Whoa! That's new there at the end! I like it Lacey. Can't wait to see the rest of the changes you made!

L.J. Boldyrev said...

Thanks, Valerie. You and Kristi gave me some really great insight into what was missing. I love Simon and I wanted him to have a little more of a role in the book.

Jess, yes I do! And I value your opinion. Thanks so much for reading for me!

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