This scene takes place on the platform of a train station. My MC and her family have been captured by a group of ruthless soldiers, and are awaiting the train that will take them to a prison camp. Comments welcome!
Please excuse the formatting. I'm still having issues with blogger.
Then their crowd parted and I saw him—the maggoty bastard who’d murdered my father. A burning rage swelled from the pit of my stomach. I gritted my teeth, biting back the angry words that threatened to spill from my mouth. I wanted to kill him, to rip him to pieces with my bare hands. His beady, black eyes, too small for his plump red face, scanned our party with disgust. I scowled at him as he sauntered toward the edge of the platform. The train was coming closer, growing louder.
“Hey!” I wanted him to look at me. To see my father in my eyes.
“What are you doing,” Simon said, pulling me back. “Be quiet! Are you mad?”
5 comments:
I like it. We get a feel for how much she hates him with only a few sentences. Well done. :)
Happy Tuesday.
Thanks, Karen. Something awesome happens just after that, but I didn't want to give too much away.
Happy Tuesday!
You know how I feel! It's an important scene for Inda to express her internal rage and I like it. :)
Whoa! That's new there at the end! I like it Lacey. Can't wait to see the rest of the changes you made!
Thanks, Valerie. You and Kristi gave me some really great insight into what was missing. I love Simon and I wanted him to have a little more of a role in the book.
Jess, yes I do! And I value your opinion. Thanks so much for reading for me!
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